Sachin Tendulkar And My Ray of Sunshine

I have finally been able to dry out my hankies but I don’t know if the huge void in my heart can ever be filled. After all I have grown up watching Sach… I mean GOD play cricket. Er .. um … that is not exactly true. He is just a few months older than me but you get the picture, right? 

Yes I have grown old and bald and am now serial drying hankies because He has retired. In fact life seems not worth living at all. All I want to do now is to lock myself in a room with a TV and give myself up to viewing the 24 hour blanket coverage on God. I just wish that the media acted a bit more responsibly and did not cover minor little things like that Pailin thingy that will apparently cause some rain in Odisha and parts of bifurcation ravaged Andhra Pradesh. I mean, how can God’s retirement not be the lead story from now on to eternity? Is this the kind of gratitude that we have toward him after all that he has done for us? It shows us in very poor light indeed. 

Anyway, seeing my plight someone suggested that I re-read God’s resignation letter. I did. And voila into my desolate life there has crept a tiny bit of hope. I quote the relevant portion. 

“I look forward to playing my 200th Test Match on home soil, as I call it a day.”

And this was the ray of sunshine that my tormented soul was seeking. India will play a two-match Test series against West Indies scheduled to be played from 6th November to 18th November. 

Now what if, just what if, GOD is injured while practicing at the MIG Club or picks up a stomach bug after eating in some over-priced underwhelming Narang restaurant or whatever and cannot play in the series? Does it not mean that we might get to see GOD in action at a later date too? After all he did not call time to his career after the West Indies series, he has called time to his career or rather he said he will call time to his career AFTER he plays his 200th test match. Now isn’t this a ray of hope to hang on to? Not in the best possible manner but surely we will have him around for some more time. After all it has been such a ridiculously short period of time that he has been holding up our dreams and aspirations in what is routinely described as our Religion. 

Hey hey hey… another thought just struck me. Is this the doing of the SeeMent Man to ward off the evil eyes of the Media and the general public from looking too closely into his affairs? Damn the thought. No No No No GOD can never ever be a part of this kind of shady diversionary tactic. That he did not speak out earlier was simply because it was not his job to do so and he was busy carrying the hopes and aspirations of a billion Indians, including those who might not even have heard of our state religion – Cricket. 

Damn this digression and to hell with this thought. Let me get back to my ray of sunshine and hold onto it. Because that is when GOD will be in his whites still playing for Team BCCI and all will be well on earth.

In the Ancient land of 'Erg If Knish'

In the ancient land of Erg If Knish lived the ageing but age-defying ruler Fresh King I nicknamed Yo Tarmac Doll. The nickname; it was whispered, was due to his two passions in life, flying and … er… dolls.

With his old friend, the god Bacchus, in his corner Yo Tarmac Doll conquered the whole wide world of Hic Hic land. Hic Hic Land was the world of fabulous wealth, and having conquered it he was the lord and master of its bottom less riches. The richer he grew the more good times he had… in fact Erg If Knish began to be called the Land of Good Times and Yo Tarmac Doll the King of Good Times.

He encouraged art and crafts much like later, lesser rulers like Samudragupta and Akbar and Shahjahan. He encouraged paintings, especially of ethereal beauties, which were so craftily done that one could not realize where the skin ended and the outfit began. Such was his greatness and the power to give the masses what they wanted. And year on year it went on.

Yo Tarmac Doll was a generous monarch. Not only did he encourage art and crafts he also encouraged sports; such as it was in those ancient times. He was the first in Erg If Knish to have a chariot that raced against the best in the world. It never won, but the objective was not to win but to give the others a chance to win. He even had 11 kids, in coloured clothing; fool around with sticks and balls in his playground. And he would pay them handsomely for doing so. Such a kind hearted man….

Not just the arts and sports, he brought back the sword of the ancient Sultan that had been robbed from his land as a tribute to the glory of Erg If Knish. And for this act he was put on a higher pedestal. If, such a thing were possible.

But with success came arrogance. He began to think big. He began to think he could challenge the gods. He began to think he could fly… and be one with the gods. And that is when the gods spat at him. He did not realize that conquering Hic Hic land with Bacchus in his corner was one thing and flying too close to the sun was quite another.

It is never a good idea to fly too high or too close to the sun. Ask Icarus. Ask Hanuman. They flew too close and suffered. So did Yo Tarmac Doll. He tried to re-create the good times in the air and came a cropper. So much so that his flights of fancy stopped taking off and the King of Good Times was grounded.

So what did he do? Well, he did what everyone who has their hubris shattered would do. He went up to his Mai Baap – The Sarkar and prayed for help. He of the arrogant past went with a begging bowl so that he could continue to fly. All the while he was seething with indignation. How dare the population treat him, Yo Tarmac Doll, the King of Good Times like this? Life was indeed unfair.

But his problems did not end there. If he felt that he could quietly go to the Mai-Baap and ask and receive moolah, he had another thing coming because, suddenly, there was another problem. While Mai-Baap was willing to give him the moolah, some ungrateful people began to question why Mai-Baap’s money should be used to help Yo Tarmac Doll. After all did he not conquer Hic Hic Land all on his own? Did he not plunder the land when he conquered it? And did he share this moolah with others? Nope. Not one paisa. Then why should Mai-Baap help him? Where was the moolah that he plundered? Surely all was not spent in his pursuits of art and crafts? Or was it that his young prince, Hard Shit, spent it all when out with princess Pea Dike.

At any rate the pressure on Mai-Baap not to help him increased. And when that happened, Mai-Baap very intelligently pushed it onto the Banks that had lent him money. After all how did it matter if a few friends helped a few others? It was all part of the divine game plan of which Yo Tarmac Doll was an indispensable part.

But the Banks were smarter this time, smarting as they were under the fact that Yo Tarmac Doll had in the past too said a whole bunch of things but had failed to honour the commitment. If they helped him in his flight of fancy then they would surely sink to oblivion.

And there they left Yo Tarmac Doll to think about what might have been had he not flown too high.

So this, children, is the sad story of the King Yo Tarmac Doll. Of how one man could rise to the top and then topple from that perch because of his arrogance and also because of his incompetence perhaps. I know a few of the older children are whispering at the back that this is all legend and myth and stories. But I would like to differ. These things really did happen in the distant past. These people did exist then. Learn the lessons children and never try to fly too close to the sun.