The Ghost who Stalks

I live in, what used to be a wonderfully quiet and blissful ghost town, Kopar Khairane in Navi Mumbai (for those who have come in late Navi Mumbai is the satellite city of India’s urbs prima – Mumbai.) Kop Town (as I like to call it) unfortunately got transformed when Reliance Infocomm infested the place leading to unnecessary disturbances like people, shops and .... well, civilisation in general. Very distressing. Especially since the beauty of any place in India is marred when people start moving in.

However all is not lost. People might, just might, move out again. The reason? All of Kop Town is on tenterhooks, because there is a three headed ghost stalking the place. Yup three heads no less.

And quite a talented lady if one goes by what my Loony Bin Neighbour X had to say. He huffed and puffed up to my flat the other day and started off immediately.

LBNX: Puff puff pant croak ooosshhhsoso
Me: What?!?!?!?!
LBNX: You heard the latesht?????
Me: No and don’t want to.
LBNX: There is a GHOSHT stalking the area. 3 Heads alsho.
Me: Really!!!
LBNX: Oh! Yesh. Oh! Yesh. It was in the Newshpaper today.
Me: Ok. So?
LBNX: What do you mean sho? There is a Ghosht in our area. Once she identifies a house she changes her face to resemble one of the family members, imitates their voice and then goes into attack mode.
Me: She changes her face? All 3 or just the leading one?
LBNX: (with a dirty look) Why don’t you step out at 2.00 am and find out for yourshelf?
Me: Why 2.00 a.m.?
LBNX: She comes out of her hiding at 2.00 a.m.
Me: She seems to be keeping time with the BPO junta. Come to think of it she would be quite an asset in any BPO organisation. Total Value For Money. 3 heads. One salary.
LBNX: Very funny. You will not feel like joking when she comes to get you.
Me: Why me?
LBNX: You are just the sort of jerk she will want to attack. Besides you have not even inscribed "XXX" or "Shree Ram" on your front door.
Me: I understand the jerk part. But "XXX" and "Shree Ram"?
LBNX: You are shoooo shtupid. Don’t you know, the only way to ward her off is by inscribing these on your front door? Everyone has done it. Even Muslim families.
Me: Wow! I always knew we Kop Town wallahs were very secular.
LBNX: Yeah! Yeah! But write them on your front door.
Me: Ok. Ok. But how I wish I was a school boy now.
LBNX: What??? Why?
Me: Imagine the chaos I could create in school. The pompous teachers I could have troubled.
LBNX: How can you talk about your teachersh like that?
Me: Why not?
LBNX: Don’t you also teach in some Management colleges. What if your shtudents think you are a pompous chap?
Me: My students don’t think. They know. I make sure of that.
LBNX: Very funny. But anyway you have been beaten here too. The Terna School was having its Annual Day the day before and shuddenly someone shtarted shouting “Chudail, chudail” (Ghost Ghost) There was almost a stampede there.
Me: Hehhehehe hahahh hehehe
LBNX: Disgusting. How can you laugh at something so sherious?
Me: No. But can’t you empathise with the kids there? Some boring chief guest might have been going on and on about some nonsense and this bright young kid must have thought, “Let me liven up the situation”. And he sure did.
LBNX: He did nothing of that sort. The Annual Day programme was wound up after this incident.
Me: HHEHEHEHEHE HAHAHAHAHAH HEHEHEHE.
LBNX: Anyway enough of your nonshense. All of us young men are patrolling the streets in groups so that whenever the Ghosht comes here we can defend ourselves. Want to come?
Me: Huh? Hmmm. Well.
LBNX: Tcah I always knew you were a coward.
Me: No no. It is nothing of that sort. I do want to meet 3HG
LBNX: 3HG? Who ish that?
Me: Your darling 3 headed Ghost.
LBNX: Oh! You are such a pain in the assh. Here I’ve come to help you and…I hope she takes you away.
Me: Ok. But remember I know where you live. I’ll tell her that.
LBNX: @#!%$^& ¿Ж¿Ж^>^ *&##!^!^!
Me: Right back at you.

And that ended my exposure to this Three headed Ghost. I have been told this story has also featured on some news channels. (I haven’t seen those programmes but I am sure they might have been). Thankfully the saga of the Three headed Ghost continues. It has livened up my life for a few days. What more can one ask for?

By the way the tagline of Navi Mumbai is: The city of the 21st Century. Some irony that.